Have you ever been having a terrific conversation with a client or colleague when you let your guard down and an awkward comment slips out?
Perhaps your slip was your honest and strong feelings about any number of issues such as your position on immigration, religion or guns or maybe it was simply a contrary opinion on the latest blockbuster that came tumbling out of your mouth and skidded right off your tongue. Their face and body say it all. If they winced, made a face or stepped back in response to your statement, you likely surprised or offended them. This happens all the time. Now, a lingering silence just sits in the air between you and your colleague or interviewer.
So how do you recover from whatever popped out of your mouth and maintain a civilized, professional relationship? It starts and ends with respect for self and the other.
Here’s the recovery road map. Address the situation through a “collaborative confronsation.” Take responsibility and say, “Perhaps I offended you, it was not my intention.” Let the other person respond. If it still feels awkward, own the slip by offering “If I offended you, I sincerely apologize.” Confronting the matter will earn you respectful brownie points for the courage to own your gaffe.
If appropriate, continue with, “I brought up a topic that some feel uncomfortable discussing. I would love to hear your opinion.” If it’s an interview, let the interviewer lead the way. Asking for the interviewer’s opinion is a good strategic move. It shows that you know how to deftly and diplomatically handle a sensitive situation, which inevitably happens with clients, customers or classmates. Unless absolutely necessary to continue, steer the conversation back to topics that will land the job or seat in the medical school class. For instance, “I would like to get back to something you said earlier….”
If it’s a situation where it’s known that there will be widely differing opinions in the room, say “Before we start our conversation, let’s agree to discuss the issues respectfully and not turn topics of disagreement into character assassinations.” This simple ground rule sets the path for insightful conversation. You may learn to view and appreciate the issue through another lens. Maybe you will change your position or find your way back to common ground. This is how we avoid wars and build agreement. Listen hard, be curious and seek to understand their logic and why they believe the way they do. This is political and social discourse. This helps us reflect, humanly bond and grow, despite our differing views.
Most importantly, end the conversation letting the other know that they taught you something or you learned something new and that you truly appreciate that TOGETHER you were able to discuss the issues of the day in a civilized way. This increases the odds that your relationship will endure and be long-lasting. Isn’t that the goal?
#LetTheSlipBeWithYou
#RespectMatters